We already had a gorgeous bright blue-eyed and blonde-haired 2-year-old son but decided we wanted to extend our family.
We were lucky and fell pregnant after a few tries. At about 14 weeks we decided to go visit my husband’s family. They lived on a farm and the drive was about 5 hours away. We packed the car up, and left. When we arrived that afternoon I wasn’t feeling too well.
I had a streaming headache but didn’t want to take anything. As time wore on it got worse and I agreed to take a painkiller with a glass of water and headed off to bed.
I felt better in the morning after breakfast and a good sleep. While in the shower I dropped the soap and as I bent down, all I could see was red, and a lot of red. I was bleeding, and, at 14 weeks pregnant, I was terrified.
I have never seen my hubby move so quick and even my mother-in-law ran when I yelled out. We rang the hospital and were told to come in. The nearly 2-hour drive to the nearest hospital was painful to say the least – in addition to my mother-in-law back seat driving, my mind was also going back and forth between thoughts that I had lost the baby and thoughts that it was going to be okay. When we arrived, I was convinced she was going to be okay. It was all going to be okay.
An ultrasound confirmed otherwise.
The ultrasound revealed that my baby had died. Shocked to tears and didn’t know what to say. We were wheeled back into the emergency room where I was silently crying to myself. To watch my husband’s eyes well up with tears pushed me over the edge.
My heart was breaking.
I had lost my baby girl.
A doctor then came in and wanted to do an internal. He spoke a few words and that was it – said he was done. We could go home.
We were lost for words.
That was it?
That was it.
We drove back to my mother-in-law’s house. It was a quiet drive this time and once we returned we packed up and headed home to process what had just happened.
A few days later something didn’t feel right. It’s hard to explain.
I really couldn’t point out what it was. Perhaps the baby moved inside? Perhaps a wave of nausea returned? Call it mother’s intuition but I just had a feeling…
I booked into my local doctor and told her what had happened.
She got in contact with the other hospital to find out the details. She did another ultrasound. And she saw a beating heart.
This happened sixteen years ago and I now have a beautiful 15-year-old daughter. Looking back, I am not sure what caused the bleeding. Perhaps it was the pain medication? And I don’t know how the doctor’s could have made this massive mistake.
All I know is that when they said my daughter had died, when they made this mistake, a part of me believed it.
But another part of me knew she was there all along. And I’m so grateful every day that the latter part of me was right.
This story of experiencing the pain of pregnancy loss was shared by one of our Stay at Home Mum community members, Suzy.
We thank her for sharing her story with us here at Stay at Home Mum.
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