We all know those folks who embrace aging and love to talk about how their 40s and 50s brought upon a new sense of confidence and a shit-ton of hot sex. Maybe you are one of them. If so, kudos to you, and keep the positive vibes coming, because the rest of us are crying in our bathrooms as we pluck rogue chin hairs and attempt (unsuccessfully) to lift our chicken necks back up to where they used to be.
If you’re scared of getting older—the aches, the pains, the receding hairline, and the unstable retirement account—have a look through the Scary Mommy confessional, where you’ll read about people like you with the same fears. Because the truth is, we are all aging, whether we are willing to embrace our saggy parts and love our new bods or not.
Getting older means realizing more and more with each passing day that you’re a real life grownup. And that this might be as good as it gets. Yikes.
“DH and I are moving into what most people would consider a starter house. We’re in our late 40s. This is the best we can do. Still far better than our parents ever did.”
“I save about $25k a year in my 401k and so does DH. We are in our late 30s and are doing okay financially but I’m still afraid we will never get to retire.”
“I’m scared men are going to wonder what’s wrong with me when they find out I’m in my 30s and never married. I wish I knew so I could fix it. I miss having someone care about me.”
It also means accepting death as a part of life. It means looking at life insurance policies and wills and realizing that we all have to say goodbye to our loved ones at some point.
“I am now terrified about my parents’ mortality. It was easier to think of losing grandparents, because they were more ‘old’ (but not really). Welcome to my mid 40s :(”
“In my mid 40s and I have been pretty healthy. The past few weeks I have been feeling very off. I just know something is wrong. I am scared to death to find out what it is.”
Oh, and super fun—women don’t just get all the joys of grays, wrinkles, and saggy boobs. There’s menopause too! Neat.
“44 and starting menopause. I can handle the wrinkles, grays, aches and pains. But I have gained 4 lb that I can’t get rid of and its destroying me.”
“It’s depressing to think that my young hot days are behind me. Hello wrinkles, saggy boobs and stretch marks. I want to feel attractive and desirable again.”
“I plucked a gray eyebrow today. I’m only 28.”
Middle age can suck it.
“I sharted in Panera today. Dammit middle age and menopause.”
“I’m so sweaty all the time! I’m only 42, is this pre-menopause already???”
“I just tweezered hair off my nipples and lathered on my anti wrinkle cream.. F you middle age womanhood.”
There is no shock quite like finding your first gray hair. But there really is no way to prepare for when you find a gray strand that… isn’t on your head.
“Let me say this. The shock and horror of gray hair on your vag is … its really too much. Is my vajajay tired?? She old now???”
“Just plucked a gray/white hair…. From my nose. Getting older is so glamorous. 37 years old, 2 kids.”
“I used to obsessively worry about GETTING gray hairs – now I worry about LOSING them.”
And finally, getting older means reevaluating all your life choices as you watch yourself turn into a person you never thought you’d be.
“Dealt with infertility for 15 (fifteen) years before I conceived and had my two children (miracles, they are). I still find myself feeling resentful over infertile years, wishing I had been doing this 20 years ago instead of at my age now (mid-40s).”
“I’m becoming the wild crazy haired, dress like a slob, pouch-tied-across-the-waist, creaking bones and always complaining annoying old woman I always cringed at when I was young. I’m in my 30s and already feel ancient.”
So if getting older is freaking you TF out, we’re in that boat with you. We, too, are finding rogue gray hairs in our nether regions and are waiting for the miracle gravity cream that will lift our skin back up to where it used to be. But we are also going to try loving the bodies we were given, be grateful for the years we’ve had and for the years to come, and remember that the more you laugh, the more wrinkles you’ll have, and that means a life well-lived.