This ‘small dick emoji’ rebuttal went hilariously wrong
After the “pinching hands” emoji was released as part of the new emoji lineup of 2019, many people had hilarious reactions to its perfect, alternate use as the “small dick” emoji. Well it wouldn’t be the internet if someone didn’t try and ruin everyone’s fun, but when a Twitter user tried to bring up a “roomy vagina” argument, the internet had a field day.
You will be gasping for breath by the end of this post, guaranteed.
It all started with the announcement about new emojis earlier this week. The “pinching hands” emoji will soon find its way to every group chat and girlfriend text thread in existence. Because, let’s be honest, absolutely no one is using this emoji to convey a pinch.
— Emojipedia 📙 (@Emojipedia) February 5, 2019
The internet had, naturally, a very big and very funny reaction to the new emoji. But not everyone was laughing, because every party has a pooper:
— Bettina Arndt (@thebettinaarndt) February 8, 2019
Yes, how would feminists feel about an emoji that symbolizes our roomy vaginas? Because that is a very real thing women discuss — the size of our vaginas. In addition to sending unsolicited vagina pics, women everywhere are known for yukking it up about the depth and width of our vaginas. Totally the same thing.
Well, let’s find out how they feel, shall we?
Sneering? I’m proud of my roomy vagina. I store up nuts for the winter in there. https://t.co/AbHXmlyrP3
— Sarah Wine-Thyre 🇺🇸🏳️🌈 (@SarahThyre) February 9, 2019
what millennial can afford a roomy vagina in this day and age https://t.co/wYvynZgSNb
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) February 9, 2019
Roxane Gay brings up perhaps the most important point, because women — unlike men — don’t care about shit like this.
We are fine with roomy vaginas so it’s okay. https://t.co/Y237YhEwA8
— roxane gay (@rgay) February 9, 2019
What?! I can’t hear you. Please yell into my cavernous vagina, the acoustics are fantastic. https://t.co/pQq8CpWsuL
— Amanda Deibert🏳️🌈 (@amandadeibert) February 10, 2019
There is no such thing as a roomy vagina. I am the expert so I get to say that. A small penis is not a gynecological concern. https://t.co/IFBtEmV9Z8
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) February 9, 2019
This is fitting because any man who believes that a “roomy vagina” is an anatomical reality is likely particularly offended by this emoji.
— feminist next door (@emrazz) February 9, 2019
Other people were quick to point out the hypocrisy at play here, because women overall aren’t going to get violently angry over being “sneered” at for the size of their vaginas.
Yeah. Also imagine if women were murdering men for not smiling enough. https://t.co/zs5VBUNLiN
— A.R. Moxon (Read Pinned Tweet!) (@JuliusGoat) February 10, 2019
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” — Margaret Atwood
— Charlotte Clymer🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) February 9, 2019
1. “Roomy vaginas” aren’t a thing.
2. Draw that for me.
3. You’re gonna get ratioed SO HARD
4. If a roomy vagina were a real thing, I doubt it would be the reason a woman would beat her spouse, rape people, buy Porsches, shoot up schools, drop bombs, or run for president.
— Mueller, She Wrote Podcast (@MuellerSheWrote) February 9, 2019
If women sent as many unsolicited vulvagrams as men do dickpics then I would wholeheartedly welcome some form of roomy vagina emoji.
— Woo for Abortion Rights NAI! (@Teh_Woo) February 9, 2019
Also? Women are “sneered” at all the time. Literally and metaphorically. And if this argument is truly supposed to exist for “equality” purposes, how does being insultingly misogynist make things any better? While plenty of jokes can fly about the emoji itself representing small, uh, things, in reality — it can be used for literally whatever anyone wants.
Interestingly, even the founder of Emojipedia, Jeremy Burge, acknowledges the “pinching hands” symbolism. “In context, having an emoji … to refer to a small amount of something seems like it might be helpful,” he tells BuzzFeed News. “But I can definitely see how the gesture out of context does seem to imply a man’s small package.”
Speaking of which, the new batch of emojis hitting our phones this year is more inclusive than ever. And not just regarding dick size!
If you’re curious, here’s the full list of (more PG and inclusive) emojis that will be added to our repertoire this year. It includes a person in multiple types of wheelchairs, a person who is blind, an ear with a hearing aid, interracial couples, service dogs, a sloth, an oragutan, a skunk, a juice box (holler to all the moms), an oyster, and more.
— Emojipedia 📙 (@Emojipedia) February 5, 2019
Sadly, out of all of those emojis, not one of them accurately represents a roomy vagina. If nothing else, though, “Roomy Vagina” is a killer band name.