Alright moms, where my yellers at? I’ll admit to being a mom who yells, and I’ll also admit that I feel shitty about it afterwards. But holy fuck is parenting hard. And now add in quarantine and homeschooling and zero minutes ever of quiet and absolutely no personal space and OMG JUST BRUSH YOUR GODDAMN TEETH I SAID IT 11 TIMES.
So yeah, I lose it on my kids. And yeah, sometimes the neighbors hear it.
But I also know without a doubt that my kids feel loved. That they’ll remember the board games and ice cream sundaes and camping in the backyard as much as they’ll remember the yelling. That they’ll know I truly did my very best for them every day.
(But also that I was a hell of a lot nicer if they just freaking listened the first time.)
“Took a break from cleaning to poop , oldest child yells my name. I blood curdling scream “WHAT” I’m tired of doing everything all the time, I’m fucking exhausted and pissed and hormonal and i can’t operate on fumes any longer.”
“I’m not sure how else to tell you I am overwhelmed and need a break. Stop acting surprised when I have a breakdown and cry or yell~ I’ve been asking for help and not getting any. We both work full time so don’t even start with that excuse.”
“H does NOTHING to help with the kids; however when I lose my sh*t and yell at them he says “can we please stop yelling? All you ever do is yell.” Well, if all the mental load didn’t fall on me…I would be just as calm and rational as you.”
Oftentimes our yelling is simply due to one fact: We are at the end. of. our. rope.
“It’s taking every ounce of my self-restraint to not yell at my kid to fucking be silent. She’s just playing by herself, but I’m so fucking sick and tired of her little voice”
“I think I should make my own star chart so I can track the days I go without yelling at my kids.”
“Trying to talk calm today. Give hugs before I yell. It is helping me not lose it but they are acting worse. Maybe it will take a few days. I just don’t want to be remembered as the screaming mom.”
Sometimes we can restrain ourselves from yelling, but it’s hard AF.
“I was in such a bad mood today that I yelled “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” at Siri when I was driving.”
“Today i am so fucking pissed. Yelling at my extremely agitated 3yr old, while trying to clean and organize and cook while tending to a newborn baby. Ds3 isnt even doing anything wrong. Hate myself today”
“I know the kids yell because I yell. Don’t know how to stop myself or them.”
“Yesterday I yelled at DD because she jumping around & making a mess (really, just full of energy and having fun). Today she has a fever, sore throat and sleepy. I’m scared. I’m so sorry I was angry, baby. I want my noisy kid back!”
“I just yelled “ENOUGH!” at my two kids (ages 16 months and 4 years), who were screaming/screeching at each other at top of their lungs. It scared them and made them sad. Mom of the year over here.”
Truthfully, after a bad day of yelling, we just feel like shitty moms.
“I yelled at my already sensitive daughter today and made her cry on the way to school. I feel l like a monster.”
“I’m so short with my kids 5&6. I want them to listen to me and I’m quick to yell. I feel terrible. I’m just so stressed with full time school & part time work & no money. No excuses man. I’m a terrible mom.”
“Feel like the worst mom lately, yelling too much, looking at my phone instead of my kid, and just plain unmotivated. I’m probably still doing a pretty good job but my anxiety is making me feel like a monster and assuming that’s all anyone sees too.”
“Being hot & sweaty makes me so irritable. On top of the stress of planning my wedding & two kids who fight all day long?? I have been yelling waaay too much today. Sorry kids, mommy will try harder tomorrow :(”
And we hate ourselves for losing our cool on our kids.
“I am standoffish with my neighbors, but only because I yell at my kids too much, look like a frazzled sahm all the time, and I’m embarrassed. Sorry for not being more friendly”
“I accidentally recorded myself yelling at DD6 to do her school work (on some reading app) and when we (finally) finished reading the story I got a message that the recording had been sent to the teacher. Waiting for the knock on the door from CPS now.”
“Neighbor shamed me for yelling at my kids. It was a rare moment of complete exhaustion and overwhelm. I am doing my best but people only notice the bad moments.”
“Just yelled at my kids and realized afterwards that the windows were open and neighbors outside. Dang it.”
Even worse is when the world witnesses our freak out, and we’re embarrassed of our failure.
“I have yelled less over these months of isolation than at any other point in my parenting life. Turns out my kids and I make pretty great quarantine roommates. I’m going to be sad to lose this.”
“My little crew is handling this much better than I ever could have expected. I haven’t even yelled once. So thankful.”
There actually are unicorn moms who don’t yell, but they’re a rare find and no one understands how they do it.
“I will never understand how some parents are able to parent without yelling. That’s the only way my children listen to me”
“I rarely feel guilty for yelling at my kids. If they wouldn’t continue to act like assholes after I’ve asked nicely, usually more than once, I wouldn’t have to lose my shit to get through to them. Why do they only listen after I’ve screamed my head off?”
“My default voice on the weekends is yelling.”
Because the rest of us feel like this.
Truth be told, yelling is part of parenting—that’s just the way it is. Whether it’s because we are at max capacity for the day after our three-year-old pooped in the pool and everyone had to evacuate, or after our teenager grumbled about having to clean their disgusting bedroom that’s full of food wrappers, dirty cups, and rank stinky socks.
Somedays we’re tired of asking the other people we live with to pick up after themselves or eat the dinner we lovingly prepared to nourish their bones and muscles. Some days we’re exhausted by all the work it takes to raise good humans—the please and thank you reminders and “Did you call Grandma?” and “Yes, you have to do your math worksheet.” And the battles over personal hygiene and forced kindness to their siblings and piano practice reminders and the 800 million other things we do as parents every day.
You’re not a bad mom if you yell sometimes. Just make sure you also give lots of hugs and “I love yous” and catch your kids being good too. It’s all part of the deal.