It’s June! And you know what that means. Father’s Day is just around the corner, so gear up for whatever emotions this day brings. For some, it’s a joyous day of showering the dads in your life with love and appreciation. For others, who are still hurting after their significant others blew off Mother’s Day, (we will never forget, btw) they’re prepared to respond with a giant fuck you on June 21. And then there are those who have complicated relationships with their own dads or in-laws that make this day exhausting and dramatic every year.
Whether it’s a day you look forward to or a day you dread, it’s coming up in just a couple weeks. Are you ready? Do you have a plan (even if that plan is to hide in the closet at your in-laws’ with chocolate and wine)?
“I discussed Fathers Day with H & said that due to our power bill nearly doubling, I have to hella budget until payday. He said he’s fine with a six pack of Rolling Rock, a homemade cake, and bbq chicken for dinner. No gift. Love this low maintenance huy.”
“Got DH a kick ass Fathers Day gift. So excited to give it to him, I don’t think I can wait till tomorrow! He’s the best, he deserves it!”
“Yesterday, DH kept DD while I took a three hour nap. On fathers day. Because I never get to sleep. That man deserves an award.”
“I just bought my DH a 130.00 bottle of scotch for fathers day. Poor man lives in a household of red headed estrogen monsters. Even the dogs are girls. He deserves it! He’s a saint…we’ll keep him!”
If Father’s Day is a happy one in your household and you’re looking forward to loving all over your man, we wish you nothing but joy and giggles and cute cards and dad jokes galore.
“I fucking hate my husband. Did NOTHING for me for mothers day, but when fathers day rolls around I’m sure he’ll be asking for a blow job. The way things are going he may be getting divorce papers for fathers day.”
“Scraped together all the extra money I could come up with to get my husband a few small gift cards to his favorite place to have lunch. His response after opening the card they were in was .. oh I don’t go there anymore.
Happy Fathers Day”
“I hate fathers day. My DH is a great one but he’s not mine and mine might be one of the worst. It’s hard to not be bitter and jealous when everyone posts/talks about/celebrates their awesome dad.”
“My dad chose my stepmom over his original kids and now grandkids. Happy fucking Fathers Day, dad, you’ve missed out on a lot.”
We know many of you are still harboring the pain of having a shitty dad, so this day is loaded.
“NOT looking forward to the fathers day guilt trip that we HAVE to go spend time with FIL. He never acknowledges us any other day of the year, but heaven forbid if we didn’t see him on HIS day. Wish the day could be about DH instead!”
“I hate when DH asks me to pick out Mothers/Fathers day cards for his parents. I can’t seem to find any cards that say “Go fuck yourself””
“At in laws for Fathers day Give me strength and patience so I don’t lose it. I’m glad I brought my Ativan ”
And we know that many of you are forced to deal with annoying in-laws on this day because that’s one of the rules of marriage. (Like the worst rule, but a rule nonetheless.)
“Glad to see my kids can be bratty spoiled monsters on Fathers day too…”
“DD 20 months covered herself with poop from her hair to her knees then screamed bloody murder while we hosed her off in the shower. Happy fathers day DH!”
At least your kids act like kids on Father’s Day too, right? Not just on Mother’s Day?
“Read reveiws on amazon that harbo sugar free gummy bears “demon bears” give you really bad diarrhea and stomach cramps. Guess what ex dh is getting from the kids for fathers day,”
Maybe Father’s Day is an occasion to seek a little revenge on your ex who did you wrong…
“This is the first Father’s Day that I will not be able to visit my late fiancé’s grave, in 6 Fathers days. its unsettling and I don’t know how to handle the emotions that are coming from this today :(”
“EA and I split up but are still on eachothers FB and have mutual friends. I see everythng that goes on and miss him everyday. I called to wish him a happy fathers day, hearing his voice on voicemail broke my heart.”
This occasion may be painful if it makes you think of a loved one that you’re missing.
“My brother called me this morning to wish me happy fathers day. I’m a single mom. He said im doing the job of both parents so I deserve fathers day too. it made me smile.”
“Planning Fathers Day…sleep in, breakfast (lunch and dinner) made, ample leisure time…wait, isn’t every fucking Sunday Fathers Day?”
Or it might be a day that just reminds you how much you already do… as in, everything.
“During fathers day anal play lost plug inside for entire 30 seconds ran to potty to push it out it came out thankfully never been so terrified in my life. How would we explain that to er doc with a straight face?”
“I have a filthy mind. I received an email from a local restaurant. It said “Give Dad what he REALLY wants for Fathers Day”, and my mind automatically filled in “…then get dressed and bring him here for a nice meal!””
“Sent the kids outside to play and asked DH if he wanted to have a quickie on fathers day. It was so exciting and satisfying! We’ve never done it while the kids were awake. Cant remember the last time we fucked in daylight!”
And if Father’s Day is an excuse to romp around the house, have at it! No reason you can’t have a little enjoyment too, right?
Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads out there who deserve a day to relax, a tall beer, or maybe a new grill apron. We appreciate you! And to all the moms who hate this day for one reason or another, hang in there. It’s one day. Let it suck, then get up Monday morning, dust yourself off, and remember how fabulous you are — with or without an awesome man to fawn over.