96 Lightbulb Jokes That’ll Definitely Brighten Up Your Day

96 Lightbulb Jokes That’ll Definitely Brighten Up Your Day


96 Lightbulb Jokes That’ll Definitely Brighten Up Your Day

lightbulb jokes
Samantha Hurley/ Burst

Of all the types of jokes that exist, you just can’t go wrong with a solid lightbulb joke. They’re quick, they’re easy, they’re eye-roll-inducing-funny, and there’s basically a little something for everyone. So sit back and warm up your eyeballs for a little lighthearted eye-rolling action, because we’ve compiled a master list of the best lightbulb jokes out there.

  1. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
  2. How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.
  3. What did the lightbulb say to the switch?
    You turn me on.
  4. How many board meetings does it take to get a lightbulb changed?
    This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…
  5. How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None. That’s a hardware problem.
  6. How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One to do it and five to stand around and say, “Man, you’ve got such awesome muscles. You’re so cut.”
  7. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    It’s a very obscure number, you probably won’t have heard of it.
  8. How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One one, but it takes six visits.
  9. How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None of your damn business!
  10. How many editors of Poor Richard’s Almanac does it take to change the light bulb?
    “Many hands make light work.”
  11. What do you get when you cross a thought with a lightbulb?
    A bright idea!
  12. How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
    That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It’s all relative.
  13. How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
  14. How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    What does it matter? We’re all gonna die anyway.
  15. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    How many can you afford?
  16. How many Hollywood executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, but you have to promise creative control and an $80 million budget and that someone on the level of Tom Cruise will star.
  17. How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only one, but it takes nine years.
  18. How many jazz musicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?
    A-one, a-two, a one-two-three-four!
  19. How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward the maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
  20. How many Mac users does it take to change a lightbulb?
    You have to replace the whole motherboard.
  21. How many Redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One to do it, post it, and not get credit for it; one to repost it as they did it; and one to state that the video is actually fake and it never happened.
  22. How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Depends on what you want to change it into.
  23. How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
    WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
  24. How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just two… but they have to be reeeeaaally tiny.
  25. How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, but he’ll also want to do something about your nose.
  26. How many nihilists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    There is nothing to change.
  27. How many WASPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to call the electrician and one to fix the martinis.
  28. How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, but she’ll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
  29. How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    That depends on whether it has health insurance.
  30. How many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One, but it takes at least three lightbulbs.
  31. How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
  32. How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    It turned itself in.
  33. How many screenwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Oh God, now they want to change the lightbulb?!
  34. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
  35. How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One.
  36. How many televangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
  37. How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    If the lightbulb needed changing, the market would have already done it.
  38. How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Toucan do it.
  39. How many sociologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    The lightbulb is fine — the system has to change.
  40. How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
    One to change it, and one to sniff the first ones’ butt.
  41. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
  42. How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
    They always use candles.
  43. How many Grateful Dead fans does it take a change to a lightbulb?
    None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.
  44. How many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    At least 15. One to change the lightbulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
  45. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two, but nobody knows how they got in there.
  46. How many mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, because they will get you to do it.
  47. A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier. “Do you have any two-watt bulbs?”
    “For what?”
    “That’ll do, I’ll take two.”
    “Two what?”
    “I thought you didn’t have any.”
    “Any what?”
    “Yes, please!”
  48. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Sex.Related: 96 Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind
  49. How did the hipster burn his hand?
    He changed the lightbulb before it was cool.
  50. How many mystery-genre writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
  51. How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to change it and nineteen to stand on each other’s shoulders.
  52. How long does it take a performance artist to change a lightbulb?
    I don’t know; I left after the first hour and a half.
  53. Why should you never ask a skeleton to change a lightbulb?
    ‘Cause nobody will show up.
  54. How many bureaucrats does it take to put it in a lightbulb?
    One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other inserts the bulb into the water faucet.
  55. How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only one, but she has to do it while you’re eating dinner.
  56. How many Apple enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb?
    They don’t change the lightbulb; they just buy a new house.
  57. How many millennials does it take to change a lightbulb?
    I don’t know, but it’s an odd number because they just can’t even.
  58. How many Jedis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just Wan.
  59. How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
  60. How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
  61. How many a**holes does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None, a**holes never see the light anyway.
  62. How many stock brokers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes knowing that it’s already burned out.
  63. How many surgeons does it take to replace a lightbulb?
    We’d also like to remove the socket as you aren’t using it now.
  64. How many Brexiters does it take to replace a lightbulb?
    One to promise a brighter future and one to screw it up.
  65. How many ‘Game of Thrones’ plot writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only two, but they’ll wait six or seven seasons before screwing it up.
  66. How many baby boomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    They just hire someone to do it and complain how back then a bulb used to cost a nickel.
  67. How many Italians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    I dunno, but my brother’s girlfriend’s father’s manager’s priest’s nephew’s cousin did it good for me.
  68. Scientists have determined how many people it takes to screw in a lightbulb.
    It’s less than to screw in a heavy bulb.
  69. Why do lightbulbs hate us?
    Because we flip them off all the time.
  70. How many astronauts does it take to change a lightbulb?
    It takes two astronauts to change a light bulb. Astronaut number one to hold the lightbulb and astronaut two to rotate astronaut number one.
  71. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    We don’t know. They’re still arguing about it.
  72. How many idiots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Five hundred. One to hold the lightbulb and 499 to turn the house.
  73. How many Type A personalities does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One to screw in the lightbulb and one to tell him he’s doing it all wrong.
  74. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Only one, but it sure does take a whole lot of lightbulbs.
  75. How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Both of them.
  76. How many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    They’re not interested in the short-wave stuff.
  77. How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?
    We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight.
  78. How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Who knows? They’re still counting.
  79. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
  80. How many Victorians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    We do not discuss such things with ladies and children present.
  81. How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A vast and teeming horde stretching from sea to shining sea!
  82. How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Proofreaders aren’t supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.
  83. How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb?
    I don’t know; I’ll have to get back to you on that.
  84. How many carpenters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to hold it; one to hammer it in.
  85. How many Mensans does it take to change a lightbulb?
    The bulb isn’t bright enough.
  86. One.
    How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
  87. How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
  88. How many mutants does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Two-thirds.
  89. How many SWAT team members does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One to change it, and one to shout GO! GO! GO!
  90. How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    No one knows, because when the light comes on they scatter.
  91. How many NASCAR drivers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, they can only go left.
  92. How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One, or two? One… or two?
  93. How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Only one, but you should have seen the size of that lightbulb!
  94. How many Paul Reveres does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, if by land, and two, if by sea.
  95. How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Only one, but it really gets screwed.
  96. How many beta testers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None. They just find the problems; they don’t fix them.

Related: 100 Anti Jokes If Your Inspiration (Or Humor) Is Running Dry






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