Whether you’re a pilot, a frequent traveler, or just someone who happens to be really into aviation (hey, we all have our hobbies, right?), airplane jokes are undoubtedly in your wheelhouse. Or should we say wing-house? Either way, the following 65 airplane planes will keep you entertained.
- Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?
In a cliff-hangar.
- Why do people take an instant dislike to flight attendants?
To save time later.
- Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can’t see them taking off.
- A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
“Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.
“No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”
- What is the difference between God and an airline pilot?
God doesn’t think he’s an airline pilot.
- A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini.
“You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?”
“Yes, just as our flight was about to take off we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.”
“What was the problem?” the bartender asks.
“The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine,” she replies. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
- Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
- Why do flight attendants make great astronauts?
They took up space in school.
- What has a nose and flies but can’t smell?
- A plane lands and shortly after the flight attendant comes over the speaker.
“Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault…
It was the asphalt.”
- I asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of a crying baby next to me.
It turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.
- What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant?
Today is a good day to fly.
- I decided to leave work an hour early today.
The flight attendants started freaking out when I grabbed my parachute, though.
- What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
“Put me in coach.”
- A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors, and suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”
Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but….”
- What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A “plane in the neck.”
- Where are the Great Plains located?
At the great airports.
- Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?
The Wrong Brothers.
- A man walks up to the counter at the airport. “Can I help you?” asks the agent.
“I want a roundtrip ticket,” says the man.
“Where to?” asks the agent.
“Right back to here.”
- What sound was made when the airplane hit the trampoline?
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
- What is the purpose of the propeller on an airplane?
To keep the pilot cool — if you don’t think so, just stop and watch him sweat!
- How often do airplanes crash?
- A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk said, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
- I have a really good airplane joke I want to share…
But I think it might go over your head.
- When Chuck Norris walks through airport security, he makes them take off their shoes.
- It was mealtime on an airplane, and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner.
“What are my choices?” the passenger asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
- What do airplane builders say about their job?
- I have this new idea for an airplane…
But I don’t think it’s gonna fly.
- What do you call an airplane that flies backwards?
A receding airline.
- A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way.
To which Yoda responded, “Off course, we are.”
- What do you call the Swiss president’s airplane?
- What happens to a bad airplane joke?
It never lands.
- Two pilots are discussing piloting. One asks, “Why did you become a pilot?”
One asks, “Why did you become a pilot?”
He responds, “To overcome my fears.”
The other asks, “Which one? Heights?”
To which he responds, “Dying alone.”
- What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seatbelts.
- Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, send one to Miami.”
She said, “We can’t do that!”
I told her, “You did it last week!”
- Why do Stormtroopers make the best pilots?
They never hit anything.
- A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.
The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.”
The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”
- What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?
I’m only going to demonstrate this once, so look closely.
- Why is development in airplane engineering so slow?
Everyone is afraid to make a groundbreaking design.
- My son saw an airplane in the sky, and he asked me what it was doing.
I said it was running air
- Things a pilot can’t say in a job interview:
- Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform.
I thought it was a bit odd.
Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops.
- What if a dog flew the first airplane?
Well, it just wouldn’t be Wright.
- Why couldn’t the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?
He hadn’t broken the sound barrier yet.
- Have you heard of the TV show about the airplane?
It sorta crashed and burned, but I think it’s because the pilot wasn’t very good.
- What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously?
- What do you call when you’re sick of being in the airport?
- What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?
A flying sorcerer.
- What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
- Why can’t spiders become pilots?
Because they only know how to tailspin.Related: 100+ Funny Mom Jokes Because She’s Way Funnier Than Dad
- Where can you find Tom Cruise on a flight?
In Risky Business.
- What do you call a flying primate?
A hot air baboon.
- A plane crashed and every single person died, except two. Why?
Because they were a couple.
- What do you call the movie where pilots fight to take off?
The Hanger Games.
- Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
- My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”
Our jump master looked at him and, in perfect deadpan, answered, “The rest of your life.”
- A man parachuted out of an airplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?”
The man replied in passing, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”
- A woman called an airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”
I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
- I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
- Why did the students study in the airplane?
Because they wanted higher grades.
- Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
- Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?
Because it was overbooked.
- What do you call a plane that can’t take off?
An error plane.
- How do rabbits travel?
- An American pilot is flying a small plane across Australia. He crashes in the Outback and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he’s in a hospital with a nurse standing over him. Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks, “Did you bring me here to die?” And the nurse responds, “Nah, ya got here yesta die.”