Accountants have a reputation for being boring, but maybe we should be giving them more credit. If these jokes are any indication — many of which are willingly shared by accountants themselves — this profession is full of people who are pretty darn funny. But don’t take our word for it; check out our collection of CPA jokes and puns. And if you find yourself laughing out loud, well, you’re probably an accountant… or should consider a career as one.
- How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.
- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
- What does an accountant say when boarding the train?
“Mind the GAAP.”
- What is the definition of “accountant?”
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
- What do accountants make great lovers?
They’re great with figures.
- What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
- A woman went to the doctor, who told her she only had 6 months to live.
Woman: Oh my God! What shall I do?
Doctor: Marry an accountant.
Woman: Why? Will that make me live longer?
Doctor: No. But it will seem
- Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
For buttering up her clients.
- Why don’t accountants read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
- What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he’s boring.
- Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
- Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg.
- Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
No? Us either.
- What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
- How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold a road map the wrong way.
- Where do accountants go during a storm?
A tax shelter.
- Why don’t old accountants die?
They just lose their balance.
- What do accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book!
- Why was the accountant in rehab?
- How do accountants make a bold fashion statement?
Wear their dark grey socks instead of their light grey.
- There are three types of accountants…
Those who can count and those who can’t.
- An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
- What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
“My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.”
- What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Pass Again.
- There are two rules for creating a successful accounting business:
(1) Don’t tell them everything you know.
- How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted?
He looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
- What’s an accountant’s favorite book?
50 Shades of Grey.
- How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
- Why do accountants look forward to the weekends?
Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
- How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many did it take last year?
- Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to her child: “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.”
- Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
- Did you hear about the deviant forensic accountant?
He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.
- What do you call an accountant without a calculator?
- When there’s a will, there’s a tax shelter.
- A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather his eight sheep. Upon the dog’s return, the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain. “Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof,” barks Spot.
- How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.
- What’s an accountant’s favorite brand of cereal?
- What’s the definition of an accountant?
A guy who wanted to be a mortician but didn’t have the personality.
- What is the Army slogan for accountants?
Be audit you can be.
- What does an accountant use for birth control?
- You might be a tax accountant if…
You refer to your child as Deduction 214.
- What do you call an accountant who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
- Why do economists exist?
So, accountants have someone to laugh at.
- How do know your son is going to be a CPA?
When you read him the story of Cinderella and you get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, he asks you, “Daddy, is that ordinary income or capital gain?”
- What is a CPA’s best pickup line?
“Wow, you have a nice pair of W2s.”
- Why did the accountant cross the road?
To bore people on the other side.
- What do you call an accountant seen talking to someone?
- If an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she do?
Leans over to her husband and says, “Tell me about your work today, honey.”
- Why was the accountant excited when he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8 to 12 years.
- Why are accounting departments so welcoming?
Because everyone counts.