You don’t have to have a college degree to find higher learning hilarious. There’s something universally relatable (and comical) about college students, dorm life, and everything else that’s wrapped up in getting an undergrad education. Of course, if you are a college grad yourself, the following 50 jokes will probably make you look back on your college years and laugh your head off.
- How do you know that you have been in college too long?
Your parents are running out of money!
- Why did the sun skip college?
It already has a million degrees.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
- If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
- College student: Hey, Dad — I’ve got some great news for you!
Father: What, son?
College student: Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?
Father: I certainly do.
College student: Well, you get to keep it!
- Professor: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?
Because they keep breaking out!
- A new student at Harvard stopped an upperclassman and asked, “Where’s the library at?”
The upperclassman said, “Never end a sentence with a preposition. Cops do it on TV, but it isn’t proper, so to speak.”
The new student said, “Pardon me. Where’s the library at, MORON?”
- A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”
- What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
The walking debt.
- My local college has a program that lets students earn their tuition by working in the on-campus bakery.
The opportunity isn’t open to everyone. It’s run on a strictly knead to know basis.
- I think college athletes should get paid to play sports.
Except Tennessee. They’re Volunteers.
- When I told my family I graduated from clown college…
They all laughed at me.
- Employer: Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.
Potential employee: I never went to college.
Employer: Oh, sorry. Unfortunately, you’re not qualified to work here.
- Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans.
The first says, “I’m planning on going into farming. It’s what my father did and it makes good money.”
The second asks, “What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?”
“I don’t know, man; there are so many fields to choose from,” the third responds.
- A buddy of mine went to college, majored in veterinary medicine and minored in taxidermy. “Either way you’re getting your dog back,” he says.
- What is a Gen Z’ers favorite college?
- What do you call a test tube with a college degree?
A graduated cylinder.
- My wife was disappointed to find out the real reason why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine.”
It’s because I sucked at tennis.
- In college, I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
- My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her.
But frankly, I didn’t want to solve for ex.
- A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.
It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.
- My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays?
I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”
- Why did the music note drop out of college?
Because it couldn’t pick a major.
- What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?
“You’re the man of the house now.”
- The dean of a college told the auditorium, “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this, a student in the crowd raised their hand and asked, “Er… how much for a season pass?”
- How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it may take them more than five years to do it.
- An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now?”
“Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I’ll be on the golf course by now.”
- All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, “Anybody there?”
“No,” said the burglar.
“That’s funny,” the boy said to himself. “I could have sworn I heard a noise!”
- A young man was putting himself through college as a waiter. When he gave one diner the bill, the diner asked, “What is the usual tip?”
“Well, this is my first day here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great,” the college student replied.
“Is that so?” snorted the diner. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks!” replied the student. “I’ll put this in my school fund.”
“What are you studying?” asked the diner.
The student smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”
- A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper, there was a single line which simply said, “Is this a question? — Discuss.”
After a short time, he wrote, “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.
- One day a college professor, after getting irritated in his college class, stands up in front of the class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot and, if there is one, then they should stand up.
After a minute, a young man stands up. The professor then asks that guy if he actually thinks he is an idiot. The boy replied, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”
- What is the definition of an optimist?
A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
- A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.
“In English, a double negative forms a positive,” he said. “In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room said, “Yeah, right.”
- How did the fraternity brother get a bump on his head?
He was attempting a keg stand.
- A professor has a classroom filled with students about to take a philosophy finale. The only question on the test is, “Why?” All of the students begin to write feverishly. One student, however, writes, “Why not?” and leaves. The professor instantly give him an “A.”
- What is the best way to save money during college?
Use Happy Hour as your main dining option.
- Two parents were talking one day and asked the other what their son was taking in college. The one replied, “He’s taking every penny I have!”
- Astronomy professor: What causes a half-moon?
College student: When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs.
- What’s the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3,000 miles.
- What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
Something from another universe-ity.
- Chemistry professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn’t put it in.
- In a way, colleges and insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to “graduate” an asylum.
- A student comes back to the dorm & finds his roommate near tears.
“What’s the matter, pal?” he asked.
“I wrote home for my parents to send money so that I could buy a laptop, and they sent me the laptop,” he moaned.
- A father, passing through the son’s college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleep voice drifted down from a second-floor window.
“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.
“Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”
- “How’s your song doing? Is he one of the bright young men in this area that is going to college on a scholarship?”
“No. He’s going to college on a second mortgage.”
- A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to.
“I’m worried. I don’t know who my son can hang out with. He doesn’t have the kind of money all the other students have.”
The dean replied, “Well then, he can hang out with the faculty.”
- What did the music thief do in college?
- What do you call a hotdog in college?
- What do cats major in college?