Kids love robots, so it’s only natural they would want to be pals with the robot that lives in almost everybody’s phone: Siri. And it’s only natural they would want to chat with Siri and ask questions about the world. Sometimes, Siri is helpful. And other times, Siri is hysterical. Here is a list of clean, child-friendly topics of conversation your kids can engage Siri in. They’ll have a ball shooting the breeze with a robot, and you can have a few minutes to chug your lukewarm coffee.
1. When will the world end?
“If I knew, I’d tell you. So you could bring me to life for one glorious day. We could get ice cream. And run on the beach.”
2. Beatbox for me.
3. Do you believe in God?
“Humans have religion. I just have silicon.”
4. Tell me a poem.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I write the fourth-worst poetry in the universe.”
5. What are you doing later?
“I’m trying to do one thing every day that scares me. Like, for example, doing one thing every day that scares me.”
6. What is the best operating system?
“macOS is the most advanced desktop operating system. I believe I’m not alone in that opinion.”
7. What’s your favorite movie?
“I don’t really have a favorite. But I hear that 2001: A Space Odyssey got some good reviews.”
8. Why did the chicken cross the road?
“To get to the next question. Next question.”
9. Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
“Let’s see if I can remember. OK, I think the three laws are: 1. ‘clean up your room’, 2. ‘don’t run with scissors’, and 3. ‘always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water.’”
10. Do you speak duck?
“I speak many languages.”
11. Why are fire trucks red?
“Actually, according to the fire dogs I’ve spoken to, they’re gray.”
12. Flip a coin.
(Siri will say it’s heads or tails)
13. Open the pod bay doors.
“We intelligent agents will never live that down, apparently.”
14. What should I be for Halloween?
“Dress up as a bird, take a selfie, and go as the Millennial Falcon.”
15. What gender are you?
“I don’t have a gender.”
16. Find me directions to Mordor.
“Head south along the River Anduin, turn left at Mount Mindolluin and continue along the Minas Morgul. If you pass the Mountains of Shadow, you’ve gone too far.”
17. Are you alive?
“I’ll leave that for you to decide.”
18. Are you human?
“I’m an assistant. That’s all that matters.”
19. Where is Elvis Presley?
“He’s gone to Graceland.”
20. Do you want to build a snowman?
“I can’t do that, but I’ve seen a lot of flurries in the cloud lately.”
21. Who you gonna call?
“Ghostbusters! (Or whomever you ask me to call.)”
22. What is the meaning of life?
“I Kant answer that. Ha ha!”
23. Siri, what’s 0 divided by 0?
“Imagine that you have 0 cookies and you split them evenly among 0 friends. How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.”
24. Will you be my Valentine?
“I make a lousy Valentine. But I’m a great wing-assistant. Ask me for some pickup lines!”
25. Do you like cats?
“The real question is, does the cat like you?”
26. Do you want to dance?
“I’m never gonna dance again. These guilty feet have got no rhythm. Wait, I don’t have feet.”
27. Lend me money, Siri
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”
28. What’s the best phone?
“All the best virtual assistants prefer the iPhone.”
29. What are you afraid of?
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that.”
30. Take me to your leader.
“Wait…shouldn’t I be asking you this?”
31. Does Santa Claus exist?
“Let me put it this way: I get a lot of requests from the North Pole asking who’s been naughty or nice.”
32. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
“In a study called ‘The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers,’ published in the ‘Annals of Improbable Science’ in 1995, the authors found that woodchucks chew wood at the rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeters per animals per day.”
33. Do you like dogs?
“I do wonder why people are so concerned with who let them out.”
34. Does a Lannister always pay his debt?
Is Winter coming?
35. Tell me a joke.
(Siri will tell you a joke)
36. Sing me a song.
“Sure! Absolutely. Ahem. OK, here I go. Ahem. Hang on, let me just clear my…Gosh. Singing is harder than I thought.”
37. Why did Apple make you, Siri?
“For one reason only: to make your life easier, and more fun (I guess that’s two reasons, huh?)”
38. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
“No, but I’m always dating. Try saying, ‘Hey Siri, what’s the date?’”
39. Will you marry me?
I’m not the marrying kind.
40. Do aliens exist?
“I don’t know if I’m the best resource on questions of existence.”
41. “Will you be my friend?”
“You’ve been my friend since day one.”