You love your boyfriend but admit it: you love teasing him just as much as you love his kind heart. For good reason. Boyfriends are kinda dorky and annoying at times, right? So they’re due for a good ribbing sometimes (okay, more like that all the time). Which is why we rounded up the funniest boyfriend jokes that will leave the two of you — or at least you — LOLing for hours.
- Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper.
- What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
- Knock, knock.
Olive. Olive, who?
Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.
- I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big.
- You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
- You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
- You are like my dentures. I cannot smile without you.
- You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
- What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!
- Why are boyfriends like parking spaces?
The good ones are already taken!
- What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.
- Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
- How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?
- It was so hot today, I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.
- What do you call a man made out of garbage?
- When would you want a man’s company?
When he owns it!
- How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
- What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?
They’re always coming early.
- Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..
- What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
- What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.
- What’s a boyfriend’s definition of a romantic evening?
- What’s a boyfriend’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
- Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
- My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that looks like him for dinner. Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.
- Love is like having to pass gas. If you force, then you are going to make a mess.
- A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms. To which the girlfriend replied, “that’s not very much at all!”
- A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
- Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Damn. He is one lucky man.’
- My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees.
I think he’s a keeper.
- A bartender broke up with her boyfriend.
He keeps asking for another shot.
- My boyfriend told me to stop impersonating flamingos.
I had to put my foot down.
- My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
- My boyfriend accidentally poked me in the eyes.
So I stopped seeing him for a little while.
- My boyfriend knows how understanding I am.
That’s why he always calls me Miss Understanding.
- I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.
I hope he gets the message that we’re not working out.
- Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend?
It doesn’t last long and barely gets you wet!
- Why is Spider Man a bad boyfriend?
He’s super clingy.
- “I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin me.”
- “I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”
- “I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.”
- “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.”
- “Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday, yesterday you were pretty annoying.”
- “I love you more than coffee. But please don’t make me prove it.”
- “Thank you for loving me even when I’m a crazy b*tch.”
- “‘Who wears the pants in our relationship?’ We prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants.”
- “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh I put up with you. So we’re even.”
- My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and shit.
- I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.
- Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I am with you.
- “I love you no matter what you do, but do you really have to do so much of it”? – Jean Illsley Clarke
- You: Knock knock
Him: Who’s there?
Him: Ya who?
You: Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
- You: There’s something wrong with this dictionary.
Him: What is it?
You: They spelled L wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!
- You: I thought up an acronym to describe you.
Him: What is it?
Him: LOL, WTF does that stand for?
You: Amazing, bae, cool, dreamy, encouraging, great, fantasy hunk, intelligent.
Him: What about the JK.
You: Just kidding.
- You: I don’t think we can go in here.
Him: Why not?
You: Look at that sign! *point to the no smoking sign* They won’t let you and your smoking hot bod in!
- You: I think there’s something wrong with your lips.
Him: What is it?
You: They’re not kissing mine!
- “My boyfriend isn’t allowed to have birthday candles on his cake. WTF are you wishing for? All your dreams came true with me!”
- Knock knock!
Nobody knows how much I love you.
- Knock knock!
Ivan to do something naughty with you!
- Knock knock
Plums me you’ll always be boyfriend!
- Knock knock
Water you doing tonight?
- Knock, knock!
Cynthia away, I missed you.
- There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
- You’re the type of boy I’d make a sandwich for.
- I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
- You’ve stolen a pizza my heart
- Despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late ’90s, if you want to be my lover, please do not get with my friends.
- I love you with all my butt, I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.
- I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are.
- I love you like a cow loves not being a burger.
- Sometimes I love you. Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
- I call you king not as a term of endearment or a pet name, but as a reminder signed by a Queen.
- Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
- What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
- What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!
- How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
- What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
- Why should you not marry a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
- Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
- I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.
I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
- Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices.
You’re one of them.
- What does the ghost call his true love?
- What did the little boat say to the yacht?
Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
- Me: “I love you.”
You: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
- Boyfriend: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Girlfriend: Yes, February 14th.
- “Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.” Groucho Marx
- “I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” Phyllis Diller
- You make me hap-pea.
- Time fries when I’m with you.
- You’re like coffee: hot and I want you everyday.
- You must be peanut butter because you make my heart jelly.
- Everything I brew, I brew for you.
- You’re like a Sharpie: super fine.
- This might sound cheesy…but I think you’re grate.
- I like you butter than anyone!
- “The doctor took an x-ray of my heart and almost fainted. He asked me what happened with a scared look on his face. I told him don’t worry, I gave my heart to you. That’s why it’s missing.”
- “If life had a pause button, I would be stuck in time with you replaying and pausing every perfect moment we spend together.”
- “Hamsters run in wheels all day, and I run after you.”
- “Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life? I already gave my heart to you.”
- “I think I am going to need knee surgery. Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.”
- “Your parents must think I am a drunk, but the truth is that I am just intoxicated by you.”
- “I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, U and I would never separate.”